Coping.

It's getting easier every day, I've not cried half as much as I did last week. I lost six pounds of weight in total and most of that was the first two days so that's calming down now too. I'm sleeping again and when I think of her, I think of the awesome things she's done or the funny things that happened to us over the years.

She is a constant source of happiness and pride with me, she was an amazing mother and an even better friend.

I will miss her tremendously, for the rest of my life but the pain will stop and I'll be able to think of her without remembering the past week. She had so many awesome moments in her life that I feel we wouldn't be doing her justice if we didn't use those memories instead of the bad ones.

And as for me, I'm coping. We can't say we're living at the moment because it doesn't feel like it, we're just coping. We're looking after each other and sharing the pain. The funeral is next and that's on Wednesday, we'll get to say goodbye to her properly then.

I still feel her around me a lot of the time, most of us do, and little strange things keep happening like my sister losing her keys and my keys gone missing too, that was mum's thing. The other day I swear I smelled her stew in the bedroom, I'd just been saying how good it was. My older sister can smell her perfume sometimes and some tins of beans literally flew out of mum's cupboard at her last week. When I was in the bath, I swear I heard her call my name and at times it's absolutely freezing in the flat, even though the heating says 22.

I never believed in the afterlife much before this but this has made me a believer, her energy is still here and keeping an eye on us, I'm sure of it. It's very strange but even the vicar said you'd be amazed at how many weird things start happening after a loss.

It's nice and comforting so I don't mind, even if I do have to turn the flat upside down looking for my house keys XD

NX

Mum.

I really miss her. I've lost my best friend. She was the only person that phoned me daily just to ask how I am, everyone else was busy with their own things. I saw mum and dad every day, they asked where I was if I missed a day. I'm gonna miss that so much.

Hopefully the family will still be close after this, I'll still see dad every day but I'll never have another conversation with mum about absolutely nothing at all. She'll never tell me not to play the computer without my glasses on again. My mind just can't get around that.

How can she be here one week and the next week, our world has turned upside down and she's gone?

I love you mum, so Fucking much. If I had one with it would be to have you back home with us. <3

So today, my mother died. There is no way I can say it that will soften the blow because that is exactly what happened and I don't think that when someone you love dies, that you should soften it because it should be hard, someone you love is gone.

She had a spontaneous bleed to the brain and passed away. We were lead to believe last night that it might have been a stroke and that she had a chance, but they were wrong. I'm trying not to hold any animosity towards the hospital but as you know, anger is a part of grief. Deep down I know there is nothing anyone could have done, it's these kind of random acts that make the world such a harsh place sometimes. 

As you can imagine, our grief is in the early stages: the happy moments, the intense tears, the reasoning with it, the denial and everything else that comes with it. It is, literally, Hell itself. I think whoever invented Hell remembered his grief because there is nothing worse I can imagine. 

Most people probably know this but my relationship with my mother was a very close one. We both had very bad anxiety disorders so we went to each other for comfort. Mum always understood what I could and couldn't do and she never questioned it. If I had a limit, she knew it and respected it. She was probably the only person that took it seriously. Since I didn't leave home until I was 25, we spent every day together and most of it. She was my best friend from a very early age, I loved my parents more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. They weren't my birth parents, they were my grand parents but I never questioned that they were my parents. 

Mum was a special woman, she never had a bad thing to say to anyone. Even those she really hated, she still spoke to them and found something good to see in everyone. I learned my forgiveness from her. I got my caringness from her too, we all did. 

One thing that mum had that you can't bottle or fake is a true heart. There was no selfishness in there at all. She never thought about herself first. She spent most of her life worrying about her family, all of the time. She spent more time worrying about us than she did enjoying herself in the end. And she wouldn't know how to be any other way. We've been through so much together, all of us. But mum has seen more of me than anyone else in the world. She's the only person I could tell my deepest fears without her laughing at them. She also made me realise how silly they were, without ever saying so. 

We took each other for granted, all the time, as you do in life. Because there is no part of your mind that ever thinks that you are going to lose the strongest people in your life. Every where I went, she came with me for moral support, even if she was tired. I would tell her to go home and rest and she would tell me to bloody shut up and that she was coming with me. She was selfless. I never realised just how much I needed her. I can't tell you just how much she did for me, even though I may not have noticed it. 

You know, I remember being in the Miner's when I was younger and hearing someone say "She goes everywhere with her. It's weird." When me and mum walked past, and seeing their faces when she realised I heard. I felt embarrassed at the time and I felt like punching her in the face but now I feel sorry for that woman that said it, because she must never have the relationship we had with our mother. Mum wasn't just our mother and protector, she was our friend. That's something very special. 

I didn't think I would be able to go in the hospital ward where she was today, yesterday I couldn't. I saw the machines and my legs gave way. They took me back out of the room. 

Today, I walked towards the room with Michael and my legs started to go, I really thought I wasn't going to be able to do it. Then, as I reached the door, strength just poured into my veins and I sat by her, told her I loved and kissed her hand. They had to carry me back out after that but the point is, I never thought I would ever be that strong. She sent me that strength, I don't care what anyone says, it came from her. She gave it to us all. She always did. 

My dad told me tonight that he lost his better half. That a 46 year relationship can't be forgotten that easily. You know, it's the first time he's ever said that. But then again, they never needed to tell each other that. True love doesn't need to be spoken or acknowledged. He's an amazing man for an amazing woman.

I won't drone on anymore because my wrist is seizing up, I'm getting old. I just wanted to mark my feelings tonight and to say that we have truly lost a star today. No one will ever shine so brightly as my mother and even as I'm writing this, I feel the strength she is giving us. 

I think I'm finaly starting to realise that she was right, I'm not as weak as I think I am and there is one person to thank for that. Our beautiful, forever immortal mother. 

So...

I've been thinking; apparently the 21st is supposed to be some kind of spiritual awakening or something along those lines and I've just realised what's going to happen...

The Powers That Be have finally decided to let me shoot fire out of my hands! :D My new name will be PyroNik ...or PyroTechNik ...or something cool that has my name in it. Maybe I'll just go with DovahNiik still, after all, dragons shoot fire :D

BedHair

Updated the main pages of the site with Facebook Comment boxes so people can comment if they wish.

Done a little updating as well to the information, added my new medication info and side-effects etc :)

http://www.bedhair.co.uk/index.html

Dog logic.

Bear is asleep on the sofa....and yes that is her bed next to it >.<

NX

Wednesday Catch Up + Far Cry 3.

So I got double dosed on Amitriptyline from my doctor, she thinks it's Seasonal Affective Disorder and that I just need a little pick me up and I'll be back on track. So far, so good. Since Amitriptyline is a painkiller as well, my neck is absolutely fine...never thought I'd say that again! I haven't need painkillers for it for two days (which is good since they didn't work anyway -_-)

My attitude and anxiety is improving slowly, I'm in a brighter frame of mind and actually not worried about anything at the moment...I know, you're stunned silent aren't you? xD

So here's a few less serious updates on the life of moi.

Firstly, I've added some more scenes to the novel, after my week break from it, I came back with fresh perspective and had some awesome ideas for it. To spice it up a bit. Some advice in my Novel Publishing guide was to treat it like you only get ONE chance to make it the best it can be. And that advice has worked for me so far. It's coming along wonderfully now my block has gone. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but I bloody love it. I tried to write two books aged 11 and then again at 14 so I know it's something I've wanted to do for a long time....I just didn't have the patience or knowledge back then.


And lastly, a gaming update. I've been given FarCry 3 as an early Christmas present. Let me start by saying that it is the best game I have played in a long time. I would even go so far as to say it's next to Skyrim as the best games of all time. And I can't choose between them and you know how much I love the Elder Scrolls. That's how much I love it.

It's an open-world game like Skyrim, probably why I love it so much, and you sort of 'level up' in a similar way, and every level you get to pick a skill, or in Skyrim terms; a 'perk'. In Far Cry every perk you pick is awesome. They're fun and make your character a beast of a man. I won't go too much into detail as finding this out for yourself is most of the fun.

Now onto my favourite part of the game (and trust me, there's SOOOOO much about it that I love), which is Vaas. Vaas Montenegro is the villain of the game, you've probably seen him on the adverts for it. He's the guy that says, "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?" And yes he is as crazy as he looks.

I love him, he's my favourite villain now. He actually has an actor who played him in the game and voiced him etc. and he looks exactly like him, which says a lot about graphics in this day and age! It's astounding.

Now I know you aren't supposed to like the game villain, especially when he shoots your really hot brother in the neck and kills him but he's just awesomely played. He's so crazy that it makes you like him xD

There's a series called Far Cry Experience on Youtube that has Christopher Platz (McLovin' from SuperBad) trying to escape from Vaas (the actor) and being tortured...which is hilarious by the way, give it a look, you'll laugh your socks off xD


Back to the game: The world is beautiful and it's massive, it's located somewhere in the Pacific Islands and you get free run of a MAHOOSIVE island, which is densely populated with not only people who want to kill you, but animals that want to kill you as well. There are good guys, your new friends that help you any way that they can too. But it's the animals that make the game for me.

You have to hunt them if you want to upgrade your rucksack or ammo pouches, health pouches etc. and take their skin. It's horrible to hear but when you're in the game, just getting ready to stealthily attack the enemies, and then a tiger which has been hunting YOU, rips you to pieces, you won't mind the thought of skinning it. Trust me, it happens to me a lot.

Things I've also been attacked by are in order of occurrence: Cassowarys; like ostriches but they are extremely viscous and will stalk you for a LONG TIME. Kamodo Dragons. Also very aggressive and they're bloody sneaky -_- Crocodiles ambush me a lot, when I'm just stood by the river enjoying the beautiful scenery. And THAT is scary ...and sharks. God awful sharks that attack you when you're on your jet ski. *shudders*

That's only a small portion of the wildlife on the game, some are friendly and would rather run than kill you but some are horribly vicious and it's awesomely funny to watch a group of Cassowarys attack an enemy village and massacre every one in it XD Tigers are good for that too, leopards as well.

There really is a LOT going on on the FarCry island and you'll be playing for a long time trying to uncover all of it's secrets, which just makes it more rewarding for me. The hunting side of the game is really rewarding too, especially when you hunt the rarer animals in the game and craft yourself a bigger rucksack so you can carry a lot more valuable loot. It's just awesome.

Right, I need to go feed my hound so I'll leave it for now, probably continuing the Far Cry fangirling a bit later on. Just remember, do NOT underestimate or try to pet the Cassowarys. You will regret it later.

NX

Friday.

Bit irritated at the moment. Won't to too far into detail as there are some people on Facebook who would moan at this and I can't remember how to stop this posting on there xD

I just find the ignorance I've seen in the past week or so really disappointing. I thought higher of some people. I always treat people how I want them to treat me and its annoying when people don't do the same.

But I hold a grudge for a very long time so I'll remind them of that when they need me. I'm not a doormat....mainly because I don't like feet xD

Starting to worry a little about the future now; mostly because I'm off anxiety medication now. Doing well though, didn't think I'd be able to handle it. But I'm getting there, its not as bad as I thought. Little by little, I'm learning how to cope on my own.

Also, novel update. I'm doing what my guide book suggests and having a break from it, so I can look at it next week with fresh perspective.

It looks done to me though, one last spell check by hand, not Word and then I'll let my chosen, trusted, few read it and see what they think. After that, all being well, if it needs mo more editing, I'll start learning about publishers and agents. Fingers crossed :D

Have a good weekend guys, NX

2012.

So, December is on the way and for the most gullible of us, this means one thing; the end of the world. 

Now you laugh, but I have actually heard people discussing this in worried tones. They actually believe it's going to happen. So I'm going to point out a few things, to give you guys some peace. 

The Mayan Calender ran in cycles (b'ak'tun) and this date in December is just marking the fact that our current cycle has ended and the end of the fourth world, which we are in now. Marking the start of the 14 b'ak'tun and fifth world. That's ALL. 

Also, there is record of the Mayan's writing about dates beyond the 13th b'ak'tun, long in the the future. So there is going to be a future. 

Let's also note that the world has been ready to end many times, according to scare-mongering idiots and the dates have passed without so much as a wave from Jesus or the Anti-Christ. 

People love scare-mongering. And they like to preach. They know that if they preach a future prophecy, the people they are scaring will respect and listen to their word more often. And it's true. They will. How many of you have researched the Rapture just because of the man that foretold of it years ago? And how many of you are atheists? 

This just proves that we will believe anything that someone tells us, if it scares us. Because we'd rather be prepared than surprised. 

Instead I think that maybe we should use our common sense and use recent history to guide what we believe. Even the most gullible of us aren't as stupid as they want to believe. 

In fact, Google Professor Brian Cox and hear his words on 2012. He's one of the smartest minds in Britain and he thinks that anyone who believes that rubbish is a nobber. And I agree. 

Instead of wasting time worrying about the world ending (whenever it does), why not spend that time doing something constructive and enjoying life. Because when it does end, there's not a damn bit of difference that worrying is going to do for you. Look at the dinosaurs. 

But I'm sure that the world isn't going to end in 2012. There is not one bit of evidence to support it. Even God said beware of false prophets. So unless you find an alien ship under your house, with cannons the size of buses, I wouldn't worry. 

And if you want to know how many times the world has predicted our untimely demise. Take a look at this. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

NX

Skyrim

If anyone hasn't got Skyrim for the pc *laughs at noobs* then get on Steam now! It's 17 quid!

Winter has come!

It's not the Coca-Cola adverts that start the beginning of winter for me, nor the shitty weather or lack of money. In the Barnett house, it starts when I open the lobby hole door and pull out the massive 13 tog winter quilt....then when I'm putting it on the bed, Bear crawls inside the sheet cover and can't find her way back out >.< 

That's how my winter has begun. It will follow with moaning about money, Seasonal Affective Disorder and putting on around five pounds of weight...then moaning about that too. 

They say us British are weather-hardened but I think that's pants. We moan when it's hot, we moan when it's cold. We moan because we're moaning. It's the British Way. Now those Nords...they're weather-hardened....

NX

Fifty Shades, Part 1.

*MAY HAVE SPOILERS*

Now, I've just finished reading 50 Shades of Grey, Part 1. Yes it did take me a long time but being the multi-tasker that I am, I was juggling Firestarter, Carrie and Fifty Shades at the same time.

My initial thoughts were that I wouldn't like it; I don't like BDSM and I don't like cocky blokes in suits and it's hard to use Facebook without hearing that FS has both of those things in it.

But, after reading through the first few chapters, you come to realise that it isn't just a girl-porn, it's a story of a blossoming romance with a man that has serious control issues. I haven't read the 2nd or 3rd yet but I'm guessing it has something to do with his mother. All men's problems are because of their mothers. Somehow, some way, it always comes back to them. It's why I want a girl when I pop one out.

But I digress. Despite Christian Grey having a very serious, business-like exterior, he also has a very soft, sweet side that he doesn't like showing. Cliché I know, but in this story, it works well. Now, as Anastasia finds out very slowly, he has never had a real girlfriend before or ever had real feelings towards a woman before her. All he's ever had are 'subs' meaning submissives, a BDSM term for someone that you control and does everything you say.

Part of the story is Ana trying to learn the submissive ways so she can please him in the sack and struggling with it. Since she's pig-headed like me, part of why the story is so relate-able to me. And the other part is Christian trying to compromise with her - because he has very strong feelings for the first time in his life - and become more boyfriend-y and struggling with that. But, they both try very hard.

The problem comes from the fact that, because of some childhood trauma, I guess, Christian does not like being touched. He doesn't like sleeping in the same bed as a woman and he doesn't know how to express his feelings towards her well. Ana tries to delve deep into his mind and find out where his touch phobia comes from but she is unsuccessful. I think that part of the reason she tries so hard to be his submissive is because she hopes that sooner or later he'll confide in her. That doesn't happen during Part one unfortunately.

Now, I found the journey of Christian trying to be a 'normal' guy very sweet and addictive. It's a joy to read all the small things he does for her; things he's never done before and the parts of his life he opens up to her. It's the main part of the reason why I enjoyed it so much. The thought that a woman can change a man to be more suitable to her, is a secret want to many women in the world. But, it doesn't come without problems.

Towards the end of the book, Ana makes her feelings for him very clear and although he feels the same - it's very obvious at this point - he is shocked and slightly appalled that someone could feel that way towards him. He has very bad confidence issues in himself, despite being filthy rich and hot as hell. This again, is most likely because of past family issues and the horrible childhood that he had.

The end of the book is very upsetting, I won't tell you what happens but it's a shock. Even though you will probably think, like I did, that it was inevitable.

The journey of two people, who are extremely different, trying to find a happy way to be together is really well written in this book and you do really start to care for them and hope they can find a way to do it. I look forward to reading Part 2 and 3 in the coming days.

Today.

Switched to a Google+ Profile, no idea what that means or what I'm doing but it seemed like a good idea at the time xD

Playing FarCry 2 again today, got into it again after finishing Dead Island ...which is epic may I add :D Apart from the constant need to repair weapons, which costs LOADS and carrying a thousand items that you have no idea if you ever need XD

But I love FC2, it's a HUGE game. The only downside is the lack of weapons you can carry, yeah I know, in RL you wouldn't be able to carry loads either, but it's not RL it's a game! I want to carry more weapons!

Oh and the fact that I have no idea what the weapon names are so when it comes to upgrading, I don't know what I'm upgrading or if I've even ever used them >.< I know a few well known weapons e.g. AKs, the Dragunov or UZIs and a rocket launcher is pretty obvious but the others I don't know and I'm pretty sure I've wasted all my diamonds upgrading the shotgun I've ever used :/

SO yeah, change that for number 3 Ubisoft, otherwise I'll be nagging you all year and that's a torture you won't bear xD

Will write more when I can be arsed, Nik out

NX

Un-Christmas Spirit.

Not feeling particularly cheery at the moment, like a lot of people this time of year my main worry is how I'm going to afford to buy everyone presents. But I think I'll manage it, I always do. Not many people are lucky enough (or at Xmas - unlucky enough xD) two have two mothers, two fathers and three families to buy for this time of year. It's hard work but I think I'll manage xD


        It's just irritating when everyone around you seems to be able to splurge on something awesome, and I feel guilty every time I buy a packet of fags because they're six pound thirty pence. I've worked really hard the past two weeks on getting this novel finished, trying to keep the flat tidy, Bear fed and walked and cooking for Ben, trying to help everyone out and I haven't really felt like it's paid off yet.

          But writing is a hard business to get into, hopefully if I have confidence in myself, I can pull it off....the plan is: get rich, spend something on myself for a change, then move to America and stalk Jared Leto/Gerard Butler/Chris Evans (not the ginger one)/Ryan Reynolds.

That's the plan, it's a good, solid plan with no down sides, of course I'll need to learn how to drive, so I'll need an airfield to practice in (so I don't massacre millions of people xD) and then I'm all set.

Applications to be my sidekick can be sent to my Blogger account. xD

NX

Stephen King.

So, since I'm writing a novel at the moment, (it could be crap, I don't know yet xD) I did some research on Mr King, who is my favourite author of all time.

 It turns out that he's done the same thing that I'm doing which is create an imaginary location for his novels that is close to where he grew up! I thought I was being a bit unimaginative doing that but I suppose it makes for a more realistic setting if you know the area well.

His has worked out really well for him, Castle Rock is very famous now and many people name their places Castle Rock as a nod towards his work. A lot of his books are in or around CR and he mentions it often in them. Very clever!

There's a sentence in Tommyknockers that I found amusing: "she wrote good old western stories that you could really sink your teeth into, not all full of make-believe monsters and a bunch of dirty words, like the ones that fellow who lived up in Bangor wrote." 

Which is an easter egg, that man in Bangor is Stephen King :D that amused me :) 

NX

Neck pain leaving.

So I've had a week without the dreaded neck pain that's been depressing me for the past year. So I think it's finally decided to bugger off.

It coincides with the fact that Ben bought me a new computer chair, a more posture friendly one. Mine was over 7 years old and it was way too small. I had to look UP to the screen and apparently that's really bad for your neck. It shortened the muscles in my neck so that I couldn't look down or left or right without severe pain, and with me doing a lot of writing lately, I've been sat at the PC for long periods of time.

Hopefully it'll continue to get better and the muscles will stretch out more because I got so tired of being on pain-killers like co-dydramol. They work but they make you so fuzzy that you can't move. Apparently they're really addictive too, I haven't found that, but that's most likely because I'm too nervous about being a drug addict to actually ever be one. Anxiety is good for something I guess xD

So now I get back to writing my novel without worrying about pain. Good job too because it's close to be complete :D

NX

Purple Hair.

I have purple hair now. Got tired of the blonde...and the burned scalp. 

Can't see it well here but this may be the last sunshine of the year xD

Thought I'd update my hair colour, got tired of being a bleach blonde, it didn't really suit me. Nice for summer though, but alas, I am a dark girl at heart. (Don't know how bleach blondes manage to keep the skin on their scalp though! XD)

NX

My fall into a life of crime...

Or something like that.

I ordered some Plaster Of Paris the other day so I can make some moulds of my Skyrim Logo, made from clay.

It arrived this morning in a huge baggy and the postman told me that it had actually been delivered the day before but the post woman popped the bag and thought it was cocaine. So it had to go back to the Drugs Unit to be tested.

So it seems I order my crack from eBay. Now I'm going to sent AK47s to Cuba via Amazon.co.uk, see how that works out xD

NX

Birthday!

It was my birthday on Wednesday and it was pretty good.

Saw all the family and they gave me some awesome presents.

Ben got me a hairdryer, computer chair, Dead Island: Game Of The Year ED and Operation Raccoon City.

Got quite a lot of cash from my family.

My dad bought me an amber necklace, posh choccies and a really awesome quill and ink:

Beautiful :D

My sister bought me a beer hat, with those pipes in the side to drink out of beer cans, it's pretty cool xD

and some more bath stuff/perfumes etc. So I'm pretty happy.

Learning how to write calligraphy now for my new pen, it's really beautiful.

And Dead Island is so good, I absolutely love that game xD
NX

Resident Evil Retribution. My Problems with it.

Okay so before I start, I need to say that I haven't seen it. I've seen stills and heard other Res Evil gamers talk about it, and from what I see and hear, they've butchered the game another year running.

I watched the last one, Afterlife I think it was and was REALLY disappointed in our favourite game characters portrayal on it.

Chris Redfield, played my Wentworth Miller, a GOOD choice I thought, didn't get enough screen time or script. He's a main character from the games and he should been a major character in the film. There's no way he'd bow down and let a woman he doesn't know fight his battles for him. This is how it goes: CHRIS fights Wesker. That's just how it is, it's been that way for a long time and hopefully will for a long time to come. Giving him one liners and the odd raspy sentence isn't good enough.

Wesker's character was played okay, I don't mind the actor choice but again, he seemed a little too cocky to me. Wesker should be made of stone, no smirking all the time or cockyness, he's stern and tough and will do anything to get what he wants. But as I said, not a bad choice of actor. He tried his best and pulled it off I think.

I'm not even going to get into Jill Valentine and Carlos Oliviera at the moment. Her actor choice was crap, she looks or acts nothing like our Jill from the games. Sticking her in the exact costume isn't covering up that fact.

I enjoyed Oded Fehr as Carlos, I didn't think I would but that guy can act! They didn't make him cocky enough though, Carlos was a ladies man who never shut up, they should keep him that way. They're letting the game version down AND also letting Oded down.

Now, to the worst part in the whole crap franchise for me, Leon S Kennedy's character in the film.

Are you bloody serious? He looks like a greased up porn star?! I mean, no offense to the actor but he looks NOTHING like Leon. I am actually scared to watch the new movie because of this. They've (from mine and other RE nerds point of view) butchered him.

Our Leon as of RE4. 

Stick some long hair on our Jensen and BAM!
Told you I was good!

Now, my idea for Leon is Jensen Ackles. He looks and sounds like Leon and he plays the tough but cocky guy very well.


The guy in the film has absolutely no idea what he's doing, he constantly looks confused and I suppose he's going to be over-shadowed by Alice as well is he?

Might as well have called the game Resident Alice.



Don't joke: that's a crap name for a crap set of films. I kind of liked the original, it was the one that felt the most RE for me. And Michelle Rodriguez is awesome in anything. I thought I'd like the introduction of more characters from the game but since the person responsible for script and teaching them how to act Res Evil style, failed miserably, it just added a bitter taste to my mouth.


You may think this blog is harsh, but if you've been playing Res Evil since you were 10 years old and sneaked the first game into the house without your parents knowing and did the same thing for every game that came out after it, you'll understand.

We gave Capcom our money on many occasions to play these games, the least they can do is give us something half decent to watch. We deserve that much don't we?

NX

EDIT: Okay okay, I'll watch it. But I won't like it! xD

Far Cry 2 Part 2. The Good Stuff

So, I'm now 45% into the game and a LOT of shit has gone down since earlier!

I managed to do all the missions for one side of the faction and killed the leader of the other side. I won't give too much away but I certainly didn't see that coming! Not to mention the epic sandstorm that nearly kills you. 

It's safe to say, shizz goes down and not good stuff. You nearly die again and now I'm back in the game but with a handy (can't figure out how to work it yet) mortar :D 

It's fun, if you can aim the thing and have unlocked some new guns, which are epic. So it's getting better! 

One thing that annoys me though, that I forgot to add in the first post: there are no names next to your weapons, so you have no idea what they are called, which is irritating since when you get to the armoury and want to upgrade your weapons, there is the name and how much it costs....but NO PICTURE. And since a lot of the weapons look the same, you have no idea what you are upgrading. If anyone has a better way, please comment 'cos it's driving me bonkers. 

Back to the good stuff. 

The good parts of FarCry for me are: 

The HUGE map. It's massive and non-linear so you can pretty much go where ever you want, when you want. Although I do recommend NOT exploring if your pot of malaria pills is empty. 

There are many different environments to explore, such as the desert, jungles, swamps, villages etc. it's a very beautiful game. The sunset on FarCry 2 is unbeatable and so are the random animals that you see. I ran over a zebra, most heartbreaking part of the game for me. Poor thing. Bloody women drivers!

Like I said in the first post, the weapons are awesome, there's a massive selection. You may start with something crappy but don't worry, once you've earned or found some diamonds and gotten yourself to the armoury, you'll be able to buy and upgrade to something much better. 

There are many safehouses in the game that you steal from the enemy and can then rest and store your weapons there whenever you want, as you do more buddy missions, the safehouses will become equipped with ammo and a vehicle to take whenever you visit. Your buddies will also meet you there from time to time and will ask you if you would like them to rescue you if you die. VERY handy. 

The buddy system is a good part to the game too, you apparently have many in the game, though I'm only half way through so I have around 4 I think at this point. You do missions for them to gain reputation and history with them, so they like you more. When you've accepted their offer of buddy rescue,  they'll come drag you out of the hell fire if you get in over your head. Although be careful with them, they can die. You get the choice to heal them, or if you aren't very nice or have no health syringes, you can mercy kill them. Something I have not done yet. I'm a softy at heart. 

The vehicles in the game are also awesome, I'm a girl and therefore have little knowledge about anything with an engine but the ones I enjoy so far are the dune buggy, Jeep Wrangler and the Jeep with a turret on the top (not sure what the in-game name for this is). There are loads of crap cars in the game, that you'll no doubt have to resort to in desperate times but it's quicker than walking. The good things about them in this game is that when they get damaged, you repair them. They don't blow up straight away...unless you accidentally grenade one...I've heard...

I don't want to tell you all the good things in the game, since I don't want to accidentally ruin your experience by mouthing something important off, so I'll just say this: yes, it's a very slow starting game and you'll need some patience during your learning curve, but after the first few missions are done and you slowly get into more of a bad ass, you'll enjoy it immensely, can see why, despite it's bugs and flaws, many people find this game amazing and it's got 4 and 1/2 stars on GameSpot! 

Look forward to the next one!

NX

Far Cry 2 - Part 1

This part of my blog is the parts of the game I don't like. The second will be the parts that I do like.

NOTE: I'm writing these blogs as I'm playing and right now I'm 20% into it. So don't yell at me because I don't know the whole story yet, this is a gradual game review that will be done in stages.


Been playing this game for like two weeks now and I can't decide if I like it or not. It's good, don't get me wrong, I love that it's an open-world and there's a huge array of weapons available (if you can afford them), not to mention different vehicles to travel in. There's a hang-glider you know, haven't had the chance to use it yet because as soon as I got on it, I fell into a rock :/

The problem with it is that you never really understand much of the story OR feel involved in it. It's a civil war story and you are trying to murder the arms dealer known as the Jackal, who armed both sides and to find him, you have to do missions for either side to track him down. There are many other types of mission to do, buddy missions etc. but I'm not 100% sure if they help towards finding the Jackal.

That's the problem with the game, you're never 100% certain of anything. You don't get a great deal of information about the world you are in on Far Cry 2. It took me a week to get the story or lack thereof. You just seem to be thrown in, with crap weapons and malaria.

Although, as you go along, you do get more accustomed to the game and learn a bit about it from the few hints that pop up during certain points. But you'll probably still be confused a little.

One of my peeves so far (20% into the story apparently) is the bloody driving. You have to drive half the way around the map most missions and then drive back and it's a long way. It wouldn't be so bad if you could bomb it straight there but it seems like there's a enemy guard post at every junction you come to and everyone hates you. So you're getting out of your car to shoot them all and then driving off, only to do it again a few yard ahead. And what's also annoying is that even if you've JUST cleared one of the guard posts and you pass it again a few minutes later, the enemies magically appear back there again! It's kind of repetitive and a shame that you have loads of cool vehicles but never really a chance to have a bit of fun with them. Especially the dune buggy. It's a nippy little thing but it has no turret and gets damaged really easily so every time to start to have fun with it, someone shoots it and you have to get out, kill them then repair it. Then the cycle continues.

There are some bus depots in the game, one in each corner of the map though, that let you basically fast travel to the other depots. Handy yeah, but in very short supply when you really can't be bothered to drive up the same road you've passed a thousand times just to get to a mission that takes you 2 minutes to complete.

I'm an avid Skyrim/Elder Scrolls fan and even though I know this isn't an RPG, it seems to lack the open-world freedom that Skyrim has. Yes, I know there are no dragons in FarCry so I shouldn't compare the two but exploring in Skyrim is very rewarding. Exploring on FarCry (so far), isn't that rewarding. Mostly because all you find (besides the odd diamond case) is another bloody guard post.

I thought that if I decimated the posts I come across with my cheap and cheerful rocket launcher, then it'd be gone when I came back to it, but nope, magically repaired and full of guards. AAHHHHH!

Now don't get me wrong, I like playing the game, in fact it's all I've been playing for the past two weeks, but I can't help think that I'd be a lot further in the game if the repetitive travel wasn't so....repetitive and boring. I do two or three missions then I get bored of driving and quit. Which is a shame because both the plot and gameplay have real potential.

I won't even get into the fact that FarCry 2 is absolutely nothing to do (plot-wise) to FarCry. They've taken all of the monsters (which I LOVED) out of the game and so now you're just fighting soldiers. Which is a bit boring if you've ever played the first game and loved stalking the monsters in the wilderness. If you're going to basically change the whole game, there's not much point in calling it FarCry TWO, is there?

NEXT: The fun parts of FarCry 2. As played by me.

NX

Resident Evil 6 Jacket?

So a look on the Resident Evil Official Facebook page tells us that the new Resident Evil 6 game is out October 2nd. Great stuff!

It also tells us that you can order Leon S, Kennedy's jacket, a replica of course, (we know he's not real....*ahem*)....with a Collector's Edition of the game! Sounds awesome right? So I go through the checkout process to see how much it's going for and then I see the price: £899.

Nope, I'm not shitting you, that's the real price. Now, I don't know much about leather prices but I'm pretty sure leather jackets aren't that expensive. The Collecter's Edition without the jacket is £50 so you're basically paying around £849 for a jacket.

I LOVE Resident Evil, I love Leon too but since he's not real and hasn't actually worn the jacket (and unfortunately can't be posted IN the jacket for me) I won't be paying that price for it. Seriously Capcom? You don't need money that badly. Do you?


So you want the jacket but don't want to spent all your money and end up bankrupt from it? Me either. So I entered 'Leon's jacket' into eBay, low and behold, these are what I found.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Resident-Evil-6-Leon-S-Kennedy-Real-Leather-Jacket-/261096144745?pt=UK_Men_s_Coats_Jackets&var=&hash=item3cca8aff69#ht_2792wt_1397

This is the same jacket, with Leon's stripes down the side and is much cheaper. £54.99 to be precise in Faux Leather, if you want real leather then you can go to 84.99. Still much cheaper than Capcom's pricing.

And this one:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Resident-Evil-6-Leon-S-Kennedy-Black-Real-Leather-Jacket-/271053215576?pt=UK_Men_s_Coats_Jackets&hash=item3f1c07d758#ht_882wt_1397

is £80 and real leather. There are a few more in the UK and many in the USA so you CAN have that jacket without bankruptcy.

Will I be getting one? Most likely, it's my birthday coming up and if I get money, God knows I'm going to blow it on this :D

NX

So.

A good friend of mine sold me a new graphics card, an epic one. I've been playing Skyrim on ultra specs! Must say, its a geeks paradise xD

Might need to get some decent games now :D

Tuesday News.

Had some horrible times with anxiety lately, mainly health anxiety about my breathing. It's called Manual Breathing I think. 

Basically it's where you concentrate on your breathing and breath manually instead of automatically. It's basically that your brain tells you that you won't be able to breath unless you think about doing it, when in fact, you will just carry on as normal. 

It's horrible, because it's force breathing, I get dizzy and sick and panicky. My chest is killing because of it. I've tried all sorts of exercise to stop it but nothing has helped so far. 

Every now and again, my brain says "You've stopped breathing!" and I'm right back in manual mode again. It takes up a lot of time to keep fewking doing it and it's causing me to get a heavy chest, which exacerbates  things and ends up in a cycle. Off the doctors some time this week to talk about it and maybe going back for CBT again. 

Good news: I have finally rewritten the first half of my novel to blend with the improved storyline, now I can continue to write the rest of the book. One problem is that I've got 2 endings I really like and I don't know which one to choose! They both revolve around becoming Sarah (the main character's) love interest. But I don't know which one to choose. Her boyfriend before the shit kicks off or the new guy. 

So I'm gonna write both sides and see which one I like best :D 

NX

Gah.

Such a soppy girl today. Miss my boyfriend. He's had two days off and I miss him on his first day back at work xD its harder because he's working until 9pm so its a very long day.

We have such fun when he's off, even the food shopping is funny. It's like taking a child shopping with Ben, he's spinning the trolley around moaning about me looking at shampoo and how bored he is xD have to buy him something to cheer him up xD

Can't wait til his holidays go in xD

Re-opened Anxiety Page.

I closed the anxiety page since I didn't understand the website builder I was using but now they've simplified it and people kept moaning at me to reopen it. I have done. It's back at www.bedhair.co.uk :) :)

GAH.

Got a cold tonight, or something like that. Ben's ill but he got bitten by a horse-fly yesterday and they make you feel shitty, don't think I've been bitten by one as I don't have a bite the size of an egg on my leg like Ben does.

I think mine's just a boring old cold....or the plague...xD

My depression is starting to lift now, after the loss of my Pippin, still can't be arsed to get out of bed most days but I have one or two good days now. The weather here doesn't help, it's a really shit summer thanks to that bloody jet stream! Bugger off and rain on someone else!

Mum and dad have a Patterdale named Chuck, he's a little bleeder. Nothing much like Pippin, but then again, no dog was. He was one of a kind and so is Chuck. He's adorable though, he likes to pull hairs off your arms with his teeth XD Bear loves him, which is good because she doesn't like many male dogs...think she's homosexual XD

Anyway, watched Pandorum tonight on Netflix, which is a really good film. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 1 1/2 star. Don't know what their issue with it but I think they're just bitter. Maybe it's the weather ;)

Also something to watch if you've got Netflix, a series called Survivors. Really enjoying it at the moment, think we're 3-4 episodes in and we can't stop watching!

NX

Grief.

Firstly, I'm sorry for the miserable posts this past few days, but I write what I feel. What I feel now is pain.
When you've had a companion since you were ten and brought him as soon as you moved house, that house becomes empty when he passes away. Even my Bear misses him. She's been looking for him all day.
I find myself happy one minute then devastated the next. Laughing at the funny or naughty things he did and then horribly guilty for putting him to rest. Grief is a horrible thing.
To be honest, I don't know why, if there is a God, that he made us so fragile and then make us conscious of missing someone. Cruel joke I think. Made us too...aware.
I'm sat in bed waiting for my panics to stop so I can sleep, I'm SO tired. My eyes are swollen from tears and my legs are like jelly.
I wanted to visit my dad today and have fun but all my body wants to do is curl up and sleep. Shame my brain doesn't.
It's times like this that I don't understand how religious people believe in an all loving spirit. Why do the innocent suffer and the guilty not?
If there is a god, or many, I think they need to re-evaluate their life plans. Because I see no rewards for good. Heaven better be bloody good and he better be looking after my family.
Especially my Pippin.
N.

RIP, My Pippin.

Never felt such heart wrenching sadness in my life.

I couldn't go in with mum to watch him, I panicked and went outside with dad, Ben went in with her, crying. That kindness is the reason he's my soulmate. There's no one else in the world with a bigger heart than him.

Pip loved him too, even when we thought he couldn't recognize anyone, he always went to Ben. Chased him and tried to bite his foot xD

This sadness is ...there's no word for it.

Pip was my best friend and my little baby. He'll always be remembered as the little Jack Russell who used to bite my feet and lay with when I was sad.

I'm glad hes at peace and no longer suffering. I'll carry that burden until we meet again.

I love you puppy, I always will. You are the best friend I'll ever have. See you soon, love mum xxx

Pip.

Had loads. Finally they've stopped. The feeling is starting to come back in my legs now and I can walk better. Thank God.

People have been so supportive today, its really helped me cope. I'm a nervous wreck but I'm trying to be a strong person. If I can.

He's my best friend, had him 6 weeks after my tenth birthday, which turned out to be his birthday too!

I love Pip more than I can even say. He's my angel. Don't know what I will do without him. He's been there sat on my lap through every heartbreak I've ever had.

Every time I've cried he's come up and not left my side 'til I'm feeling better.

He's everything good in the world and he deserves only the best. The fact he's suffering is killing me inside. I have to strong for him, this is our final favour to him for being the best friend we could ever have.

I love you with all my heart Pip, I always will.

Tomorrow's the day we put my 16 year old Jack Russell to sleep. He's been suffering a lot the past month and last night had a massive seizure. My mum and dad can't watch it Amy more. And neither can I.

Can't stop crying. I feel horrible. I'm terrified of seeing him slip away. Had about 5 panic attacks in the past hour. Wish they'd stop. It's really not helping :'(

I love you Pippin, forever and always XxxxxxxxX

My Geek badge xD

Where I got it from XD

http://www.cafepress.co.uk/bedhairshop.655163064

OMG BEAR

That stinks! D:

Farted right next to me while she's asleep and it reeks :(

PS My shop is up and running ^.^

http://www.bedhair.co.uk/

Will be starting a CafePress shop in the morning :D

http://www.cafepress.com/bedhairshop

Scene from my novel.

A small scene from the novel I'm writing. First draft so far so forgive any mistakes xD 

A delicious smell of garlic and tomato arouses Sarah from her slumber. She awoke at a dinner table. Long, red candles were lit in the middle of the table. A crimson table cloth decorated with rose petals held on it's surface two empty plates and two half filled wine glasses. On the plates were the remnants of a deep, red sauce. The lights were off, only the candles lit the room and shadows danced around the walls. 

Sarah felt content. She was full, as if she had recently eaten and she felt the warm, dizziness of being slightly intoxicated. The wine. 

There was no one else in the room, the other chair empty. A light shone through the bottom of a closed door at the end of the room. Shadows of someone's feet walked around the other side. Suddenly she remembered where she was. She was at home. Her home with Jack. 

It had been Valentine's Day, their second. Jack had cooked her favourite pasta dish and they'd drank wine and talked. It had been a lovely night. Jack had gone to the bathroom before they settled down on the sofa to watch a horror movie. Some cliched story of a few young people stuck on an island with a murderer. Sarah loved those films. 

She felt as though Jack had been in there for a long time. No sounds came from the bathroom, but his feet still shadowed under the door. He was stood at the sink. 

"Jack?" She called, walking to the bathroom door.

No reply. 

"Are you okay in there?" She asked, reaching for the door handle.

No reply. The tap was running in the sink. 

She opened the door slowly, waiting for his response. Nothing again, so she walked slowly inside. 

The light was on and Jack was leaning over with his head over the sink. He breathed heavily. 

"Are you okay? Did you drink too much wine again?" Sarah asked, laughing quietly. She walked to his side, placing her hand on his back and rubbing gently. His face still out of view. 

Jack moaned. It was short and croaky in his throat. 

"I'm sorry, I was joking honey. Are you really okay? Do you want a drink of water?" Sarah reached to stroke his hair and he slowly lifted his head up. She was stood behind him so she couldn't see his face, but as he rose upwards, his reflection slowly appeared in the mirror. 

"I...don't feel so good." Jack said quietly, raising his head into the mirror. 

Sarah froze. Something dropped in the pit of her stomach and her throat tightened with fear. She removed her hand from Jack's head as if she had been electrocuted. 

"Oh my God Jack!" she whispered, her throat too tight to speak. 

"What...what's wrong?" Jack said. He turned to face her. He was frowning with worry. 

Sarah backed away from him, trying to avoid the desire to run from the room. 

"What is it?!" he yelled, his voice cracked as he spoke, turning into a gravelly voice she didn't recognize. 

She turned around to run but he grabbed her arm. 

"Don't you love me any more baby?" he said, his croaking voice high with cruel amusement.

She turned to face him again, shaking with fear. Sweat droplets sliding down her face.

She saw his face for the last time; purple boils on his cheeks, oozing with pus. Parts of his skin had rotted and fell to the floor. His mouth contorted into a snarling grin; flashing his rotting teeth and his eyes wide with rage. He laughed at her; the evil sound resonating through her body.

She opened her mouth to scream but no sound would escape her throat. The world swirled as she weakened and her knees could no longer hold her. She fell to the floor, her eyes rolling to the back of her head and escaped into blackness. 

Eye appointment.

Now I'm going to bore you all with my eye appointment results, ooh you are lucky!

Well I went at half ten this morning, had those drops that dilate your eyes and make everything blurry then had to wait another half an hour for them to work. Got called in, sat down  and then he realized he forgot the scanning gel so I had to go back out and wait another hour *unhappy face*

They then called me back in and told me I couldn't have the scan because the scan machine was in Suite ten or something like that xD So I have to go back Friday. But he did put gel on my eyeballs and took photographs. It was a weird experience, someone touching your eyeballs xD

And the results were that I had some calcified deposits on my optic nerves! Never heard of that before in my life but he said that it's okay as long as I don't get any weird pains etc. but he will keep checking just to make sure :)

So back on Friday for a scan and then not again for another few months if all goes well :D

Such a weird thing to be told you've got; calcium deposits on your eyes. Never even heard of it before. Didn't know you could get deposits on your eyes O.o

PS! I have a Kobo eReader. I love it and am downloading Stephen King books as we speak....not literally, but I am xD

NX

'Sup :D

My day hasn't been that interesting, but since I'm back writing again I've been told to write more often to get the practice.

It's been roasting outside, literally! I could smell bacon and it was me! xD

Spent the day tidying, editing, walking my doggy wog and reading my book. Absolutely shattered now, I only got like 4 hours sleep last night because my little toe randomly started itching last night and wouldn't stop >.<

I've got prickly heat all over my left arm. It's spreading and apparently I'm not supposed to itch. Why can we never do all the things that feel good? xD Don't scratch your rashes, don't eat too much junk food, don't smoke or drink, don't kick random guys in the bal- never mind, you get the idea xD

So now I'm winding down to get to bed, hoping my little toe doesn't start again. He's so weird.

Found out something today, I am extremely nervous of talking on camera. I had to send a message to someone today and it took 7 attempts to get my words out. It was only a little message. But I overcame it so I think that's good. Was really going to back out but I thought it's just stupid to be nervous of that, there's nothing wrong with my voice. It's normal....I hope xD

And I'm going back to read my James Herbert now, it's bloody awesome :O

Nighty nighty! N X

James Herbert

Forgot how good a writer he is! Reading 'Nobody True' at the minute and I can't put it down. Such a weird story; Jim, the main character goes on a business trip with his partner Oliver (think his name is) and winds up dead. Someone brutally murders him. The twist is that Jim has out of body experiences (OBE's) and was having one when  he got murdered. So he couldn't get back into his body! GAH!

I won't go too much into detail in case you guys want to read this...which I recommend! But now he's going around the world watching his family, his funeral and the murderer himself...freaky stuff. A lot of twists and turns and I really feel sorry for the guy. You'd better read this.

Now I'm off on eBay to look for more James Herbert books!

Nx

My Squidoo lenses.

New to Squidoo but it's great writing practice so here's my lenses!


http://www.squidoo.com/relationships-and-relationshits About relationships.

http://www.squidoo.com/about-moi About Me.

The TV.

Do you ever feel like the TV is just there sucking the life outta you? It steals your concentration from everything else you could be doing. 

Never been a big fan of the TV. Only reason I turn it on is for background noise. But Ben loves it. 

When he's home the TV is always on. It's so boring! I like to watch films, that's about it. If there's no good films on, I don't watch it. I think it's a relationship ruiner as well, it certainly is for a libido. I know that from experience, my exes loved gorming out in front of the TV all night and they only wanted sex after finishing watching whatever crap it is they watch xD It's weird xD

What really annoys me is when you are just watching it for the sake of it. Example, when you've seen the same episodes of Family Guy etc. and you still sit and watch it over and over again. WHY? You've already bloody watched it a hundred times! So much so that you know all the bloody lines! No point! 

You could be do something with that time, like spending time with your family or doing something productive. And when you're watching it, you hardly have any conversation with anyone in the room, every single day and allllll night. It's kind of a waste of time. Dunno if anyone else feels that way but I do xD

So...

woke up this morning without a voice, Ben WILL be pleased xD

Phoned the mental ward because my biological mother is in there and asked if there's anything she needs. She told the nurse she wants nothing from us and doesn't want to hear or see us. Apparently her HUSBAND (her drug addict carer) is bringing her everything.

Tried to play nice this week because I wanted to help but that's it now. After all they've done to me, I wanted to forget it and not hold a grudge but they can balls.

Spent the last 3 years borrowing her my food because they spent all their money on alcohol, literally to the point where I had nothing to eat myself and she never gave it me back or paid for it.

So when they come back out and they need some money, food or cider money, they can arse. Sick of being everyone's doormat. I've got my own life to look after.

She can't just play mummy whenever it suits her and then ignore us every other time.

I HAVE a mother and 2 fathers. They're there for me when I need them and don't steal all my food. So that's it.  Someone else can be her doormat from now on. I've had enough.

*cough, splutter*

I haz a cold today dear fellows. Which wouldn't be so bad if my nose's fluids didn't keep trying to run down my face D:

So bad that it gave me a nose bleed this morning...and since I get woozy at the sight of my own blood, I had to sit on the floor for a while xD

Just watched Twilight New Moon. I have to say, despite all the morbids saying it's crap, I actually liked it. Much better than Parry Hotter. Which is the same thing over and over, though I am 25, maybe that's why I don't like it any more xD Never been a fan of wizards, I'm more of a thief or assassin myself. Much rather have a sword than a stick XD

But enough about Skyrim, I'm off to cough more XD XD

Nx

Yo.

Got Ben's man flu now. Feeling a bit poopy, but since Fran's bought us Assassin's Creed Revelations, I have something to take my mind off it ;D

Finally have a novel ending so I'm really excited to write that. Not today though, my mind is an absolute cloud. Can't think straight so probably not a good idea to try writing anything today. 

Had a good night at the pub, probably spent too much money on the bingo but hey, if you don't try, you don't get....I won 6 pound....I'm a millionaire xD xD 

Anyway, gonna get off and try to eat something, have a good night guys! :)

Nik

www.bedhair.co.uk

Waddup.

Watching Celebrity Juice, I bloody love it. Seen the Pammie Anderson one a lot though, still think she's awesome xD

Bear's fast asleep on the sofa with her head in a very weird position. Sure dogs aren't supposed to be able to do that...although she can also walk on two legs so I'm not sure she is a dog xD

Been writing again, trying to think of an ending that it awesome and not too common. But I read that there are only a certain amount of stories that are original and everything that people write about has been generally written before. Can't remember what the word for it was though.

So I'll just have to figure out how to tell my story in my own way.....or just steal the 28 Days Later ending.....nah I won't xD


Found a really good program to use, callled YWrite. Really useful for writers, you create the chapters and in the chapters go your scenes. You do it scene by scene so when you need to change or find something, its much easier. I love it. You also add your characters, locations, items etc. and tell it which scenes certain characters are in. Very helpful.

It's making my writing much easier, especially if I'm in the frame of mind where I only want to do a scene.

I'm only up to chapter 6 at the moment, although I may have made the chapters too big at this point. I won't be able to tell 'til I've wrote more.

I reckon around 25 chapters will be how long my story is, though I'm not sure, could end up being 14 depending on how long they are.

Still reading "Writing a novel and getting it published for DUMMIES" and it's the most helpful book I've ever read. You need to read it if you are interested in writing, it really helps get the imagination going.

So now I'm off to think! G'night dudes.

Nx

And today.

Has been okay, lovely weather so Nik was in a good mood and so was Bear. We went a nice walk and then took her down to mums to see a very old Pippin. Tried to get him to do some exercise and he was not pleased at all, but he did some :)

Been getting the urge to write again, my only problem is, I'm embarrassed to read anything I write! It must be due to my anxiety and that I always think I'm not good enough to do anything and that it's gonna be a big pile of crap. So I'm just gonna read it any way. I need to. I can't remember where I got up to xD

So that's where I'll leave it, I have a "How to write a novel for Dummies." to read, best book I ever bought...though for £17.99 it bloody should be!

Nx

Bit bunged up today.

Eyes are watering and my sinuses are blocking up. I've gone AGES without a cold so one better not be sneaking up on me now! xD

Been thinking about getting back into writing and started reading Writing a Novel for Dummies, it sounds crap but it's actually an amazing book to learn from. Doing some practice exercises now, e.g. viewing people and writing about the way they speak and their accents etc etc. very helpful! :)

Nx

Depressed.

Dunno why but for the last 3 days I've felt so low.

So low I've started smoking again, which is bad because I didn't even crave a fag the past 2 months. And the shit I'm getting from people about it, is making me feel even worse about myself. Like it's anyone else's business anyway.

Didn't really see the point in waking up this morning tbh. I'm tired, fed up and I just have no will to do anything at all. I don't know where it's come from but I wish it would fewk off.

I thought having a good tidy would make me feel better but it's not.  I've eaten twice in two days so far. Gonna try and eat something in a bit though I suppose.

Just been sat here crying for the past half an hour like I was yesterday. My neck hurts and the exercises the physio gave me aren't working.

Ben wanted me to go to his cousin's with him to meet 'em but I don't feel sociable at the minute.

Tried to play Half Life but I just don't see the point. Might as well just go back to bed.

Okay guys, I've JUST figured out how to reply directly to people's comments. I haven't been doing that, I've been leaving another comment below it, so sorry if I seemed ignorant, I must have had a few blonde months ;D


Just watched Stir Of Echoes, an oldie with Kevin Bacon but still a bloody good and creepy film, give it a watch!

Just watching Saw now, never understood this film and I still don't xD


Got my first physio appointment tomorrow, GAH. Terrified but hopefully it will help out my neck :D
Nx

Ben's birthday.

Got to put a message in Front for his birthday and they actually put it in! :D

Our Crime.

Watched this with Ben tonight. It really opened our eyes to the awful side of the internet. People Youtubing videos of them pranking other people by slapping them on the head (happy slapping) and making gang videos for internet stardom.

Watching the one about a few young boys went from happy slapping people, to beating up an old lady who told them to get off of her garden fence, to riding past an elderly man and his 3 year old grand child and punching him in the head and killing him in front of her,  made me sick.

The story after with the boys who had created a rap video bragging about carrying knives and guns and eventually stabbed a young boy fatally, really affected me too.

But the efforts the police went through to catch them, astounded me, they watched thousands of hours YouTube and CCTV footage to know and recognise the murderers and finally convict them to life in prison.

The police don't get enough praise in the country for their work, so this blog is for them and the families AND victims who died for no reason, like those on Our Crime.

RIP

Nx

Good night out...

for my fella's birthday :D Went to the Miner's over here, a bit dead at first but we all made up for it haha :D

Happy Birthday sweetie :D

Fat kid with watermelon.

I don't know why you make me so happy, but you do! *giggles to self*

Literally sat here laughing now xD

21st.

'Tis Ben's on Tuesday, can't remember much of mine, apart from my ex bought me a 200 quid phone, 130 quid necklace and something else. Then split up with me a week later.....dumb ass xD

So we're going to zee pub for a few hours :D
Asked him if there's anything else he wants to do but he can't think of anything xD Men xD

So that is what we'll do, then I'll give him his chocolate cake...which he found on top of the cupboard today, it's the only place that we have to hide things on! XD

NX

I hope my neck stops hurting soon, having baths nearly every day so it calms down. This physio guy better hurry up xD

Food Poisoning.

Never eat something a week past its sell by date even if it still smells alright. Your stomach still might not approve.

And that's all for now xD

This was my first prose or short story.

Wrote it like 5 years ago! Tears.

Dying is a natural thing. In most cases. Living things pass away every second. Some followed by grief, sadness and longing. Some things die and no one bats an eyelid. But not the man I'm telling you about today. 

This man has seen death. A lot of it. People, animals, every living thing on the earth. And when he sees it, no matter how large or small the being is, he mourns. His heart aches, he feels the sadness more than any other. Never has something died, that he has heard of or seen, that he has not mourned. For this man, has an angel's heart. Big as the ocean. Never-ending like the deepest corners of space. 

But, he doesn't cry a thousand tears for them. Not ten, not even five. Whenever he sees something pass away, our man cries a single tear.

One drop. That one tear contains all the love and hope the man feels in his heart. The sadness at the loss of life. The eternal hope that these souls are taken to where they belong, somewhere peaceful, where they can rest forever. No more pain. No more fear.

But never hope for himself. Oh no. Never fear that he will one day pass over, that there is nothing beyond for him. His hope is for others. Never has a thought of himself appeared in his head. Our man is not a selfish one.

Everytime a soul passes on, a little bit of the man's heart breaks. It swell and beats with mourning. But it will never shatter. Neither will he ever shed more than a single tear. 

There are rumours that he is an angel. Sent from above to feel the pain of sadness that no one else can or will. His single tear releasing a soul and lighting the way for the deep beyond. They say that should the man ever stop his cry, or cry more than a single tear, then heaven itself has become full, releasing no more souls to it's heavenly gates.

But, I'm happy to tell you, this will never happen. Our man will never stop his cry. Though, one day, he will find his love and have a family of his own, his heart will never shrink. It will never stop loving. Mourning. 

One day, when the man is old and weary, the arch-angels with call him back to heaven, for it will be his time to cross over. His soul will be released. 

And though he has never thought of this day himself, caring only about others, when this happens and our angel dies, the whole world and every being in it, will shed a single tear for him.
x

My new site.

New blog, still under construction :P

www.bedhair.co.uk 

Pt2.

So stressed out earlier that my finger went numb. Twas weird and made me panic, then that bloody cycle started: stress, numbness, panic, stress, numbness, palpitations, panic etc. Etc.

Luckily its tired me out so I will sleep tonight xD

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Decided to try and write my novel again. See if I can pull down the writers block. I miss writing, its so peaceful and let's me vent my weird imagination xD

            ---------------------------------

Bit upset at finding out thst you can be the most caring person in the world but sometimes someone is too far gone to even see a problem and then there's the 'you can't help someone who won't help themselves' saying.

I now know that's true. Even then they might not appreciate it. So I've just decided to look after myself from now on. Don't like people wanting my attention sometimes and then telling me to mind my own business. Not doing that again, I can assure you!

Nx