Coping.

It's getting easier every day, I've not cried half as much as I did last week. I lost six pounds of weight in total and most of that was the first two days so that's calming down now too. I'm sleeping again and when I think of her, I think of the awesome things she's done or the funny things that happened to us over the years.

She is a constant source of happiness and pride with me, she was an amazing mother and an even better friend.

I will miss her tremendously, for the rest of my life but the pain will stop and I'll be able to think of her without remembering the past week. She had so many awesome moments in her life that I feel we wouldn't be doing her justice if we didn't use those memories instead of the bad ones.

And as for me, I'm coping. We can't say we're living at the moment because it doesn't feel like it, we're just coping. We're looking after each other and sharing the pain. The funeral is next and that's on Wednesday, we'll get to say goodbye to her properly then.

I still feel her around me a lot of the time, most of us do, and little strange things keep happening like my sister losing her keys and my keys gone missing too, that was mum's thing. The other day I swear I smelled her stew in the bedroom, I'd just been saying how good it was. My older sister can smell her perfume sometimes and some tins of beans literally flew out of mum's cupboard at her last week. When I was in the bath, I swear I heard her call my name and at times it's absolutely freezing in the flat, even though the heating says 22.

I never believed in the afterlife much before this but this has made me a believer, her energy is still here and keeping an eye on us, I'm sure of it. It's very strange but even the vicar said you'd be amazed at how many weird things start happening after a loss.

It's nice and comforting so I don't mind, even if I do have to turn the flat upside down looking for my house keys XD

NX