Firstly, I'm sorry for the miserable posts this past few days, but I write what I feel. What I feel now is pain.
When you've had a companion since you were ten and brought him as soon as you moved house, that house becomes empty when he passes away. Even my Bear misses him. She's been looking for him all day.
I find myself happy one minute then devastated the next. Laughing at the funny or naughty things he did and then horribly guilty for putting him to rest. Grief is a horrible thing.
To be honest, I don't know why, if there is a God, that he made us so fragile and then make us conscious of missing someone. Cruel joke I think. Made us too...aware.
I'm sat in bed waiting for my panics to stop so I can sleep, I'm SO tired. My eyes are swollen from tears and my legs are like jelly.
I wanted to visit my dad today and have fun but all my body wants to do is curl up and sleep. Shame my brain doesn't.
It's times like this that I don't understand how religious people believe in an all loving spirit. Why do the innocent suffer and the guilty not?
If there is a god, or many, I think they need to re-evaluate their life plans. Because I see no rewards for good. Heaven better be bloody good and he better be looking after my family.
Especially my Pippin.
N.
When you've had a companion since you were ten and brought him as soon as you moved house, that house becomes empty when he passes away. Even my Bear misses him. She's been looking for him all day.
I find myself happy one minute then devastated the next. Laughing at the funny or naughty things he did and then horribly guilty for putting him to rest. Grief is a horrible thing.
To be honest, I don't know why, if there is a God, that he made us so fragile and then make us conscious of missing someone. Cruel joke I think. Made us too...aware.
I'm sat in bed waiting for my panics to stop so I can sleep, I'm SO tired. My eyes are swollen from tears and my legs are like jelly.
I wanted to visit my dad today and have fun but all my body wants to do is curl up and sleep. Shame my brain doesn't.
It's times like this that I don't understand how religious people believe in an all loving spirit. Why do the innocent suffer and the guilty not?
If there is a god, or many, I think they need to re-evaluate their life plans. Because I see no rewards for good. Heaven better be bloody good and he better be looking after my family.
Especially my Pippin.
N.
You've got nothing to apologise for. The pain you're feeling is born from love and in being so fragile we appreciate it all the more. The guilty people you spoke of, can never truly understand the type of love that you have in your heart. They do suffer, they're just too stupid to realise it yet. When you lose someone, they go, but they're never truly gone. You carry them. They are your strength and your compassion and your courage and in the end, your loved ones have gifted you the true meaning of love.
ReplyDeleteYou did the hardest thing, and the kindest.
I've also put this on my blog, because not everyone is as strong as you are. Even if you don't feel it.