It's really lightened my heart to see him getting on with things, what a strong man! Obviously it still hurts but he's just pushing on, really gives me the strength to do the same thing.
My other dad had to go through the same thing a year or two ago and he's got through it, so I know it can be done. Got some really strong people around me and it makes me feel so much better. I used to think that if I lost a parent I would be a quivering wreck of a person and I wouldn't be able to cope with life but actually it's the opposite, I'm coping okay.
Maybe I've got some hidden confidence that I didn't know about before. Panic attacks are down to one a day from around eight. Which is a very strange feeling, it actually made me panic wondering why I wasn't panicking! haha. Typical Nik logic.
The only downside I've had so far is my stomach. It's been in agony with all the tension and lack of food. I've gone from 10 stone 6 pounds down to 9 stone and 11 pounds. It's bound to have happened and now I've stopped worrying about it. More food is going down and it's slowly getting less painful to eat. I started thinking I'd got something wrong with me but I've fought that, it's bound to hurt when I was anxious for two weeks and not eating.
The first step to my health anxiety worries is going to be coping with the idea of death. Which I'm trying to do, the second is allowing myself to ignore every little pain I get. I don't think that a little muscle twitch every now and again is going to kill me. I need to get over that. I've got a little stomach ache from tensing it up and not eating, I've had it a thousand times before and it's been fine. Sometimes my doctor tells me off for worrying about it XD
OMG, Hugh Jackman just came on the TV, I have to do, I've got some drooling to do :D
NX
For what it's worth, your posts have inspired me a lot. You've shown a lot of strength and I know that anybody facing this situation will find comfort reading what you've wrote. Thank you for being as open as you are on it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'll be happy if it helps even one person, what I've been going through is literally the worst thing I could ever imagine and there will be people out there who haven't got a huge family to help them through it. I, hopefully, will be writing an article on it once I'm a few months in :)
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