Depressed.

Dunno why but for the last 3 days I've felt so low.

So low I've started smoking again, which is bad because I didn't even crave a fag the past 2 months. And the shit I'm getting from people about it, is making me feel even worse about myself. Like it's anyone else's business anyway.

Didn't really see the point in waking up this morning tbh. I'm tired, fed up and I just have no will to do anything at all. I don't know where it's come from but I wish it would fewk off.

I thought having a good tidy would make me feel better but it's not.  I've eaten twice in two days so far. Gonna try and eat something in a bit though I suppose.

Just been sat here crying for the past half an hour like I was yesterday. My neck hurts and the exercises the physio gave me aren't working.

Ben wanted me to go to his cousin's with him to meet 'em but I don't feel sociable at the minute.

Tried to play Half Life but I just don't see the point. Might as well just go back to bed.

Okay guys, I've JUST figured out how to reply directly to people's comments. I haven't been doing that, I've been leaving another comment below it, so sorry if I seemed ignorant, I must have had a few blonde months ;D


Just watched Stir Of Echoes, an oldie with Kevin Bacon but still a bloody good and creepy film, give it a watch!

Just watching Saw now, never understood this film and I still don't xD


Got my first physio appointment tomorrow, GAH. Terrified but hopefully it will help out my neck :D
Nx

Ben's birthday.

Got to put a message in Front for his birthday and they actually put it in! :D

Our Crime.

Watched this with Ben tonight. It really opened our eyes to the awful side of the internet. People Youtubing videos of them pranking other people by slapping them on the head (happy slapping) and making gang videos for internet stardom.

Watching the one about a few young boys went from happy slapping people, to beating up an old lady who told them to get off of her garden fence, to riding past an elderly man and his 3 year old grand child and punching him in the head and killing him in front of her,  made me sick.

The story after with the boys who had created a rap video bragging about carrying knives and guns and eventually stabbed a young boy fatally, really affected me too.

But the efforts the police went through to catch them, astounded me, they watched thousands of hours YouTube and CCTV footage to know and recognise the murderers and finally convict them to life in prison.

The police don't get enough praise in the country for their work, so this blog is for them and the families AND victims who died for no reason, like those on Our Crime.

RIP

Nx

Good night out...

for my fella's birthday :D Went to the Miner's over here, a bit dead at first but we all made up for it haha :D

Happy Birthday sweetie :D

Fat kid with watermelon.

I don't know why you make me so happy, but you do! *giggles to self*

Literally sat here laughing now xD

21st.

'Tis Ben's on Tuesday, can't remember much of mine, apart from my ex bought me a 200 quid phone, 130 quid necklace and something else. Then split up with me a week later.....dumb ass xD

So we're going to zee pub for a few hours :D
Asked him if there's anything else he wants to do but he can't think of anything xD Men xD

So that is what we'll do, then I'll give him his chocolate cake...which he found on top of the cupboard today, it's the only place that we have to hide things on! XD

NX

I hope my neck stops hurting soon, having baths nearly every day so it calms down. This physio guy better hurry up xD

Food Poisoning.

Never eat something a week past its sell by date even if it still smells alright. Your stomach still might not approve.

And that's all for now xD

This was my first prose or short story.

Wrote it like 5 years ago! Tears.

Dying is a natural thing. In most cases. Living things pass away every second. Some followed by grief, sadness and longing. Some things die and no one bats an eyelid. But not the man I'm telling you about today. 

This man has seen death. A lot of it. People, animals, every living thing on the earth. And when he sees it, no matter how large or small the being is, he mourns. His heart aches, he feels the sadness more than any other. Never has something died, that he has heard of or seen, that he has not mourned. For this man, has an angel's heart. Big as the ocean. Never-ending like the deepest corners of space. 

But, he doesn't cry a thousand tears for them. Not ten, not even five. Whenever he sees something pass away, our man cries a single tear.

One drop. That one tear contains all the love and hope the man feels in his heart. The sadness at the loss of life. The eternal hope that these souls are taken to where they belong, somewhere peaceful, where they can rest forever. No more pain. No more fear.

But never hope for himself. Oh no. Never fear that he will one day pass over, that there is nothing beyond for him. His hope is for others. Never has a thought of himself appeared in his head. Our man is not a selfish one.

Everytime a soul passes on, a little bit of the man's heart breaks. It swell and beats with mourning. But it will never shatter. Neither will he ever shed more than a single tear. 

There are rumours that he is an angel. Sent from above to feel the pain of sadness that no one else can or will. His single tear releasing a soul and lighting the way for the deep beyond. They say that should the man ever stop his cry, or cry more than a single tear, then heaven itself has become full, releasing no more souls to it's heavenly gates.

But, I'm happy to tell you, this will never happen. Our man will never stop his cry. Though, one day, he will find his love and have a family of his own, his heart will never shrink. It will never stop loving. Mourning. 

One day, when the man is old and weary, the arch-angels with call him back to heaven, for it will be his time to cross over. His soul will be released. 

And though he has never thought of this day himself, caring only about others, when this happens and our angel dies, the whole world and every being in it, will shed a single tear for him.
x

My new site.

New blog, still under construction :P

www.bedhair.co.uk 

Pt2.

So stressed out earlier that my finger went numb. Twas weird and made me panic, then that bloody cycle started: stress, numbness, panic, stress, numbness, palpitations, panic etc. Etc.

Luckily its tired me out so I will sleep tonight xD

           --------------------------------

Decided to try and write my novel again. See if I can pull down the writers block. I miss writing, its so peaceful and let's me vent my weird imagination xD

            ---------------------------------

Bit upset at finding out thst you can be the most caring person in the world but sometimes someone is too far gone to even see a problem and then there's the 'you can't help someone who won't help themselves' saying.

I now know that's true. Even then they might not appreciate it. So I've just decided to look after myself from now on. Don't like people wanting my attention sometimes and then telling me to mind my own business. Not doing that again, I can assure you!

Nx

Writing.

Thinking about how I'm going to recreate a plot for my novel. Wrote a hundred pages last year but my notes about the ending got lost in the move to the flat.

So I have to rewrite an ending and maybe change the middle a little.  Reading Stephen King really teaches you about writing horror. He is actually the King!

Omg.

Some bitch on Jeremy Kyle left her kids with her mother to bring them up all their lives because she had a 'bad breakup' and that's its the grandparents job to help out.

As a child who was gonna end up in care without my grandparents, if really pisses me off. Whether you've had a bad relationship or not, you look after your fudging children.

And if you've got a mental illness like my biological mother did, you shouldnt have had kids 'til it was under control. Rather than me and Shmoo growing up watching it and hoping to God we don't get it.

They have no idea how hard it is for  their parents to have to bring up their grandchildren while in their 50s and 60s. It's hard. We had no money whatsoever. They deserved a medal.

AND its not your parents job to look after YOUR children. It's your job. If you think otherwise, in Jezza's words, you should have put something on the end of it.

Sims 3.

Yes I know I'm a saddo for liking this game but I'm addicted to it! I can't even tell you why, I just am.

Sims 3 Pets is on it's way. It better be worth the Hell it took me to get it. Ordered it once and they sent me Sims 2 Pets and didn't even have the one I wanted and it was thirty quid from eBay! Thirty quid for an expansion? No ta! Bought it from Grainger Games for 18.....it better come. Or someone will die xD

Today.

Had a good day today apart from realising I haven't bought a single Easter egg for any of the 3 sets of family members I have. (Barnett, Finney and Hickman) I felt awful, I didn't even realise how close Easter was.
So I will make this up to them...somehow xD

Anywhoooo, fun day at dads today. Love spending time with them, they're so funny xD and the ickle bunny wabbits were adorable....when they weren't viciously fighting :O xD

Last sentence of the day, watch Puss In Boots!!

Nx

Today...

...my withdrawals are better. Bit dizzy and I cry randomly but MEH, what's changed? xD

I spent like 3 hours today turning myself into an Na'vi (from Avatar) because I really do have no life...here's the nearly finished result xD

That's how bored I was xD


Felt a bit crappy today too, Ben's been preoccupied all day so I didn't have much to do besides annoy Bear. Although she turned it around on me when, somehow, she learned how to throw her toys at me O.o Weird dog!


So I'm going to find someone to annoy for an hour or so online xD Good night folks :D

'Sup :D

Good day today with the sister and mister. It's her birthday tomorrow so I took her out for a meal. She's going out for another one tomorrow, the greedy mare! ;D

My withdrawal symptoms have been back, not as bad but it's just the weird brain shock thing that makes it scary. One minute you're fine and the next you have no idea where you are and every feels shaky and weak. But I knew it was coming today so it was much less scary than yesterday! I can do this. It turns out being on that tablet for so long was making me worse instead of better. I have woke up before 12pm every single day since I've stopped and I feel much better. SO the thing that was supposed to help me was hindering me! Typical world ;D

Have a good night dudes :D

NX