Grief.

Firstly, I'm sorry for the miserable posts this past few days, but I write what I feel. What I feel now is pain.
When you've had a companion since you were ten and brought him as soon as you moved house, that house becomes empty when he passes away. Even my Bear misses him. She's been looking for him all day.
I find myself happy one minute then devastated the next. Laughing at the funny or naughty things he did and then horribly guilty for putting him to rest. Grief is a horrible thing.
To be honest, I don't know why, if there is a God, that he made us so fragile and then make us conscious of missing someone. Cruel joke I think. Made us too...aware.
I'm sat in bed waiting for my panics to stop so I can sleep, I'm SO tired. My eyes are swollen from tears and my legs are like jelly.
I wanted to visit my dad today and have fun but all my body wants to do is curl up and sleep. Shame my brain doesn't.
It's times like this that I don't understand how religious people believe in an all loving spirit. Why do the innocent suffer and the guilty not?
If there is a god, or many, I think they need to re-evaluate their life plans. Because I see no rewards for good. Heaven better be bloody good and he better be looking after my family.
Especially my Pippin.
N.

RIP, My Pippin.

Never felt such heart wrenching sadness in my life.

I couldn't go in with mum to watch him, I panicked and went outside with dad, Ben went in with her, crying. That kindness is the reason he's my soulmate. There's no one else in the world with a bigger heart than him.

Pip loved him too, even when we thought he couldn't recognize anyone, he always went to Ben. Chased him and tried to bite his foot xD

This sadness is ...there's no word for it.

Pip was my best friend and my little baby. He'll always be remembered as the little Jack Russell who used to bite my feet and lay with when I was sad.

I'm glad hes at peace and no longer suffering. I'll carry that burden until we meet again.

I love you puppy, I always will. You are the best friend I'll ever have. See you soon, love mum xxx

Pip.

Had loads. Finally they've stopped. The feeling is starting to come back in my legs now and I can walk better. Thank God.

People have been so supportive today, its really helped me cope. I'm a nervous wreck but I'm trying to be a strong person. If I can.

He's my best friend, had him 6 weeks after my tenth birthday, which turned out to be his birthday too!

I love Pip more than I can even say. He's my angel. Don't know what I will do without him. He's been there sat on my lap through every heartbreak I've ever had.

Every time I've cried he's come up and not left my side 'til I'm feeling better.

He's everything good in the world and he deserves only the best. The fact he's suffering is killing me inside. I have to strong for him, this is our final favour to him for being the best friend we could ever have.

I love you with all my heart Pip, I always will.

Tomorrow's the day we put my 16 year old Jack Russell to sleep. He's been suffering a lot the past month and last night had a massive seizure. My mum and dad can't watch it Amy more. And neither can I.

Can't stop crying. I feel horrible. I'm terrified of seeing him slip away. Had about 5 panic attacks in the past hour. Wish they'd stop. It's really not helping :'(

I love you Pippin, forever and always XxxxxxxxX

My Geek badge xD

Where I got it from XD

http://www.cafepress.co.uk/bedhairshop.655163064

OMG BEAR

That stinks! D:

Farted right next to me while she's asleep and it reeks :(

PS My shop is up and running ^.^

http://www.bedhair.co.uk/

Will be starting a CafePress shop in the morning :D

http://www.cafepress.com/bedhairshop

Scene from my novel.

A small scene from the novel I'm writing. First draft so far so forgive any mistakes xD 

A delicious smell of garlic and tomato arouses Sarah from her slumber. She awoke at a dinner table. Long, red candles were lit in the middle of the table. A crimson table cloth decorated with rose petals held on it's surface two empty plates and two half filled wine glasses. On the plates were the remnants of a deep, red sauce. The lights were off, only the candles lit the room and shadows danced around the walls. 

Sarah felt content. She was full, as if she had recently eaten and she felt the warm, dizziness of being slightly intoxicated. The wine. 

There was no one else in the room, the other chair empty. A light shone through the bottom of a closed door at the end of the room. Shadows of someone's feet walked around the other side. Suddenly she remembered where she was. She was at home. Her home with Jack. 

It had been Valentine's Day, their second. Jack had cooked her favourite pasta dish and they'd drank wine and talked. It had been a lovely night. Jack had gone to the bathroom before they settled down on the sofa to watch a horror movie. Some cliched story of a few young people stuck on an island with a murderer. Sarah loved those films. 

She felt as though Jack had been in there for a long time. No sounds came from the bathroom, but his feet still shadowed under the door. He was stood at the sink. 

"Jack?" She called, walking to the bathroom door.

No reply. 

"Are you okay in there?" She asked, reaching for the door handle.

No reply. The tap was running in the sink. 

She opened the door slowly, waiting for his response. Nothing again, so she walked slowly inside. 

The light was on and Jack was leaning over with his head over the sink. He breathed heavily. 

"Are you okay? Did you drink too much wine again?" Sarah asked, laughing quietly. She walked to his side, placing her hand on his back and rubbing gently. His face still out of view. 

Jack moaned. It was short and croaky in his throat. 

"I'm sorry, I was joking honey. Are you really okay? Do you want a drink of water?" Sarah reached to stroke his hair and he slowly lifted his head up. She was stood behind him so she couldn't see his face, but as he rose upwards, his reflection slowly appeared in the mirror. 

"I...don't feel so good." Jack said quietly, raising his head into the mirror. 

Sarah froze. Something dropped in the pit of her stomach and her throat tightened with fear. She removed her hand from Jack's head as if she had been electrocuted. 

"Oh my God Jack!" she whispered, her throat too tight to speak. 

"What...what's wrong?" Jack said. He turned to face her. He was frowning with worry. 

Sarah backed away from him, trying to avoid the desire to run from the room. 

"What is it?!" he yelled, his voice cracked as he spoke, turning into a gravelly voice she didn't recognize. 

She turned around to run but he grabbed her arm. 

"Don't you love me any more baby?" he said, his croaking voice high with cruel amusement.

She turned to face him again, shaking with fear. Sweat droplets sliding down her face.

She saw his face for the last time; purple boils on his cheeks, oozing with pus. Parts of his skin had rotted and fell to the floor. His mouth contorted into a snarling grin; flashing his rotting teeth and his eyes wide with rage. He laughed at her; the evil sound resonating through her body.

She opened her mouth to scream but no sound would escape her throat. The world swirled as she weakened and her knees could no longer hold her. She fell to the floor, her eyes rolling to the back of her head and escaped into blackness.