As soon as I posted that...

It came on the news that they'd found a body in the collapsed house in Cornwall. How awful. Thoughts go out to her family, who were in the house with her. :(

My thoughts...

Go out to the poor woman they think is trapped inside a collapsed house in Cornwall in this weather.

I've been gone a while.

This is thanks to Tomb Raider and it's awesomeness, also due to continuing with my novel writing, which is scarily close to completion. Very nerve wracking but exciting at the same time, at least once it's done I can find out if it's a pile of shite or not xD 

I'm starting to feel calmer now, the anxiety has disappeared for a while so I can relax, thought I'd make the most of it! Got some cognitive behavioural therapy booked for later this month, hopefully will teach me how to cope a little better. It really worked 3 years ago so I'm thinking a refresher course will make all the difference. 

Now the anxiety is going down, my other life problems don't seem so bad. Well, some of them are still there, I just realised that I can cope no matter what happens. I've got through worse, when mum died in December, I didn't think I'd ever get through. The most important person in my life had gone, but I have come out the other side and none of the other life problems I have are ever going to come close to feeling like that. So I can relax now. Might as well make the most of it. 

So I've been spending most of my time playing Tomb Raider, writing the novel and spending time with dad and Shirl, they're the only people that talk to me really xD didn't really have much of a life before December and I don't now XD Hoping to change that though :) 

Why be mildly happy if you can be really happy?.......or, if you win the Lotto, MEGA happy XD 

NX 

So my week so far...

Has been okay. Had the scan last week and after all that anxiety, the scan took four minutes and wasn't scary at all. So I treat myself by buying Tomb Raider for the XBOX!

I've been a massive Tomb Raider fan since the first one came out on Sega Saturn and I've been hooked ever since. There's nothing I love more, including 30 Seconds To Mars and we know how much I love them! I never liked the new company after Core Design closed and sold TR to Crystal Dynamics, the new games seemed rather Americanized and it lost its darkness and edge. But Square Enix have come in and brought her back with a vengeance!

This new one is awesome, I literally can't stop playing it once I've started and I've fallen in love with Lara Croft all over again. She was my idol growing up. A strong woman who goes after what she wants...and she can climb like a spider monkey xD

So yeah, definitely give TR a go if you've been thinking about getting it, its worth the money!

I'll blog more about life and Lara soon!

NX

As I'm sat here...

Waiting for someone and reading my appointment letter for a CT scan on Thursday, thinking of all the horrible things they are going to find in my head; brain tumour, cancer, aneurysm etc. Even though they've told me they are 99.9% sure I'm fine....I just realised that I've spent my whole 26 years worrying about my life being cut short by illness or someone breaking my heart and leaving me alone, instead of actually living it.

I don't have much enjoyment in my life because I'm too wrapped up in my problems and worries....not to mention everyone else's....so what if I died tomorrow? My memories would be of me worrying about death or heartbreak. How boring is that?

Maybe I should forget about death for a while and stop being scared of someone breaking my heart and just live.

Doesn't have to be sky diving or bungee jumping but why not start with going out on a warm day like this and enjoying myself? Not thinking about health worries, or guilt for having fun and not letting people bring me down?

Sounds like a good start to me. I've been so worried about my health and a deteriorating relationship that I'm not living my life. Everyone else around me is, while I'm sat here waiting and worrying about the world. Well balls to them, I want to have some fun!

My health worries can bugger off, my relationship problems can join them and that spider that I know is in the bathroom but I can't find can leave me the Hell alone xD gonna be selfish for a while.

Live a little. Like the love of my life, Max Beesley (XD XD) says, we're here for a good time, not a long time.

Ps. Sorry about my bad spelling, wrote this on my phone....which hates me xD

NX