Tuesday News.

Had some horrible times with anxiety lately, mainly health anxiety about my breathing. It's called Manual Breathing I think. 

Basically it's where you concentrate on your breathing and breath manually instead of automatically. It's basically that your brain tells you that you won't be able to breath unless you think about doing it, when in fact, you will just carry on as normal. 

It's horrible, because it's force breathing, I get dizzy and sick and panicky. My chest is killing because of it. I've tried all sorts of exercise to stop it but nothing has helped so far. 

Every now and again, my brain says "You've stopped breathing!" and I'm right back in manual mode again. It takes up a lot of time to keep fewking doing it and it's causing me to get a heavy chest, which exacerbates  things and ends up in a cycle. Off the doctors some time this week to talk about it and maybe going back for CBT again. 

Good news: I have finally rewritten the first half of my novel to blend with the improved storyline, now I can continue to write the rest of the book. One problem is that I've got 2 endings I really like and I don't know which one to choose! They both revolve around becoming Sarah (the main character's) love interest. But I don't know which one to choose. Her boyfriend before the shit kicks off or the new guy. 

So I'm gonna write both sides and see which one I like best :D 

NX

Gah.

Such a soppy girl today. Miss my boyfriend. He's had two days off and I miss him on his first day back at work xD its harder because he's working until 9pm so its a very long day.

We have such fun when he's off, even the food shopping is funny. It's like taking a child shopping with Ben, he's spinning the trolley around moaning about me looking at shampoo and how bored he is xD have to buy him something to cheer him up xD

Can't wait til his holidays go in xD

Re-opened Anxiety Page.

I closed the anxiety page since I didn't understand the website builder I was using but now they've simplified it and people kept moaning at me to reopen it. I have done. It's back at www.bedhair.co.uk :) :)

GAH.

Got a cold tonight, or something like that. Ben's ill but he got bitten by a horse-fly yesterday and they make you feel shitty, don't think I've been bitten by one as I don't have a bite the size of an egg on my leg like Ben does.

I think mine's just a boring old cold....or the plague...xD

My depression is starting to lift now, after the loss of my Pippin, still can't be arsed to get out of bed most days but I have one or two good days now. The weather here doesn't help, it's a really shit summer thanks to that bloody jet stream! Bugger off and rain on someone else!

Mum and dad have a Patterdale named Chuck, he's a little bleeder. Nothing much like Pippin, but then again, no dog was. He was one of a kind and so is Chuck. He's adorable though, he likes to pull hairs off your arms with his teeth XD Bear loves him, which is good because she doesn't like many male dogs...think she's homosexual XD

Anyway, watched Pandorum tonight on Netflix, which is a really good film. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 1 1/2 star. Don't know what their issue with it but I think they're just bitter. Maybe it's the weather ;)

Also something to watch if you've got Netflix, a series called Survivors. Really enjoying it at the moment, think we're 3-4 episodes in and we can't stop watching!

NX